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Christiano Ronaldo
Christiano Ronaldo is a brazilian footballer who currently plays as a striker for FC Barcelona and the portuguese national team. He was born in Rio de Janeiro on September 17, 1994 but today lives in a castle on the top of a high hill just outside Barcelona in Spain. Early years Christiano Ronaldo grew up in a poor family who had to give him away as they couldn't afford his penis operation bill. It turned out that he had been born with two penises and according to brazilian law, "it is unnatural with two cocks". As they didn't have the 300.000$ to pay for the operation, they first attempted to slit one of them off with a scalpel. It didn't work out as intended and they instead sold their son for 15$ to McDonalds. McDonalds sent baby Christiano with his remaining 1½ penis to Sweden where they would put him in a camp for child workers so that he could slaughter cows for meat to hamburgers. After first making a stop in Portugal, Ronaldo switched vessel to continue to Sweden. He went aboard the MS Estonia and had to experience the disaster which occured ahead. Even today, Ronaldo has nightmares of the events, quoting "Sometime I wake up at night, seeing a flashing green light". Ronaldo was one of only 17 survivors of over 2100 people aboard the ship. He was brought to safety after having floated around on a piano for over 16 hours. "I haven't come near a piano ever since". Football After having worked at McDonalds for 8 years, Ronaldo escaped the prison where he was held working for nothing, and hid onboard a commercial airliner bound for Lisbon from Stockholm. He started playing football on the street with other homeless children until he was discovered by Luis Figo himself. Luis had just started playing for Sporting Lisbon B and saw Ronaldo play in the park after one of the teams practises. "Luis came up to me and said I had a nice ass". After spending some time together, Figo managed to get Ronaldo a permanent position in the team and they went on to win the portuguese B league together. Ronaldo was only 13 years old when he scored his first hat-trick for Sporting Lisbon and only 12 when he had received his first blowjob from Figo. Once Figo was 16, he got into the first team of Sporting Lisbon and the few years younger Ronaldo had to wait his turn. On May 9, 2009, Ronaldo was diagnosed with cancer and FC Barcelona decided to grant him his final wish as he had only years left to live, to play his remaining days alive together with his biggest idol, Lionel Messi. Although spending most of his time on the bench in Barcelona, he manage to score ones during his career with the team although it was behind his own goalkeeper. Illness Ronaldo is predicted to die in June 2014 and will remain with Barcelona Football Club until then. Lionel Messi has on several occassions turned down Ronaldo when being asked for sexual intercourse, the even bigger dream of Ronaldo. Category:Men Category:1994 births Category:Brazilians Category:People from Rio de Janeiro Category:Portuguese footballers Category:Marytime disaster survivors Category:Footballers who have played for Sporting Lisbon Category:FC Barcelona players Category:Open homosexuals Category:Dying people